we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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