omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
