We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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