can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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