He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
