If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
