you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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