I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
