his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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