peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
