I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
