Plan B is the new Plan A
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
