my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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