I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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