i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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