An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
