if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The ass gains better be worth it
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