From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
