I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
