sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
