do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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