I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
