I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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