They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
