Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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