Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
