Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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