I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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