Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
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I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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