You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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