You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
