I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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