Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
