I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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