I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just want to make out with him forever
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
