then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
