she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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