Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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