he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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