Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
