I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
