If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
