oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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