You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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