everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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