apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
