after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
