I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
