Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
