if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
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These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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