By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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