She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
