She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
