Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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