I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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