Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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