i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I died a long time ago.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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