Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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