Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
