After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You left your phone here
Wait...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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