dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
