too bad you live with your parents still
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need a beard to bite.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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