By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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