She announced her abortion via fbk
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
